Fucking immigrants.

 

This is not the LOL festival the letter to Flop was. It’s an expression of the powerlessness and exasperation I feel in the face of UK immigration law which in this instance didn’t allow me to have my partner with me while my Dad was dying. That’s right, move over Flop, Theresa May has ruined my life. 

 

Fucking immigrants

White people.

Rows of beds of white people.

Fat white people.

Old white people.

Fat, old, white people.

In bed pissing themselves complaining about the service and reading newspapers about fucking immigrants.

Being taken care of by

Having incontinence pads changed by

Fed by

fucking immigrants.

And my (brown) baby is dragged around a hospital ward

Playing with the buttons

Sitting on the pissy bed

When she should be at home with her dad

So my arms could be free to help lift my dad,

Give him a hug then go home and be hugged.

But instead

I juggle the wriggling baby full of life

and the skeletal dad staring at death.

Life’s full spectrum in front of me and each extremity is incontinent and scared and crying,

Dribbling spoonfuls of pureed chicken from mouths to chins to chests.

I juggle needs, pees, tears, teas

Heart stopping fears.

Then

I juggle and struggle down corridors into car

Through rush hour traffic to home to cook to eat (crisps)

Bathe and soothe my baby while 12 miles away

In a hospital ward in a concrete town,

In rubber gloves and a cheap plastic gown:

A woman named Beauty bathes and soothes my own Dad;

Mohammed makes his tea;

Simba preps morphine to help him sleep less fitfully.

I watch my milk-drunk baby slip into dreams

6,000 miles away from her Dad.

Three weeks later

on Skype

I describe the sight

of siblings, friends and cousins carrying my Dad.

The twenty or so guests dancing round the coffin.

England’s full up!

There’s no more room!

My Dad’s a bucket of ash on a shelf

But he’s still closer to me

Than my daughter’s Dad is allowed to be.

Because this is the price he has to pay

For fucking emigrants.

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4 thoughts on “Fucking immigrants.

  1. Sam Tatlow says:

    As ever Bonny you have cut straight to the quick of the emotion of this very real subject that affects lives more than purses. It’s far too early to be reading this and I’ve smudged my make up. Luckily the immigrant who is driving the taxi I’m taking to the station hasn’t noticed! Love you and your multi coloured, multi brilliant little family xxx

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  2. Cynthia says:

    Oh Bonny, my heart hurts for you, for Indigo, for Hou. As you know I am recovering from my 13 hours of surgery and my brow, face, body and all the rest were cared for in hospital by people of so many nations, so many colours, ages, sizes, and yet no one mentioned those differences. Without our multi- coloured nation we white folks would literally die. I only hope that if we ever get to the point of building walls to separate us, we begin by walling off 10 Downing Street and Parliament and then the test of entry could only be our humanity. We seem to be losing that so easily. I send you love and healing for your heart and psyche and wish you peace.

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  3. Nathaniel says:

    The U.K. really is the worst country ever. Last week I found out there was once an auction on the Liverpool docks of 10 tonnes of mummified cats stolen from scared Egyptian tombs – most was bought, ground to a powered and used as fertiliser. Fucking. Fertiliser.

    My heart goes out to you and your family for not being able to simply be together – its fucked up. No other way to describe it.

    Thanks for sharing this intimate insight into what it’s really like in the firing line of this right wing bullshit. It’s things like this that help wake people up to the reality of what is really going on.

    Don’t lose heart. Live big. Love big. ❤️

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  4. Lorna says:

    I’m so sorry. My kids are half “foreign”, and I’m always aware that there are parents at the school gate who could see my family far enough. We aren’t all like this, honest. I’m so sorry.

    Like

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